"Floyd's" underhanded scheme to abscond with my daughter (A.K.A. his property) has been in the works for years. When his attempt at abduction via fraud and perjury failed, he started working on a new plan: To systematically destroy me and discredit me in order to "legitimately" win custody. Doing so will better enable him to legally remove her from the country.
Since he can't start making up lies about me being abusive, he is attempting to sway the family court to his side by personally destroying my life. He has been doing this by wearing me down financially and emotionally. Like he keeps saying, "You have no idea what I'm capable of!"
Oh yes I do.
Alienation of friends and family:
Some time after Ava was returned to us in 2011, I noticed that many of my friends started drifting away. I say drifting, but some of them got quiet rather abruptly....and at the same time. I tried chalking it up to me being overly worried, but it kept getting more and more apparent. Eventually, many of them would only respond to messages with short, distant replies or would not respond at all. I tried asking outright on Facebook if anyone had been contacted about me.....by anyone at all. Nobody would say a thing. No denials and no affirmations. I considered that maybe they were just tired of hearing about all my drama. I was, however, worried that they would think I was milking Ava's situation for attention, so I kept silent for months at a time. Doing so made me feel more and more isolated, but I couldn't handle the feelings of rejection, and it hurt me to think about what someone associated with Floyd might have been telling them. Had they presented any such information to me, I would have gladly explained that he and those helping him were just being ruthless and evil in their attempts to achieve their goal. I have tried thinking of what types of things I, myself, would need to hear in order to stop speaking to my friends. I guess I would hesitate to trust them if I had been told they were saying really shitty things about me. If presented with evidence, I'd be even more upset. If I found out they were abusing animals and/or children I probably wouldn't be too fond of them either, but I like to think that, before ditching them, I would give them the benefit of the doubt and let them know what I'd been hearing. My over-active imagination as of late has come up with many scenarios, usually involving someone impersonating me. It's very easy over the internet. One can create a Facebook profile using another person's info and photo and take screen shots of fake conversations. I've read some warnings about this sort of thing lately. So, if any of my friends are reading this, I hope they will come to me with whatever reasons they have for distancing themselves over the past couple years. If it is merely because I'm an annoying person, I'll accept that. If it is indeed because someone else has been "talking shit" behind closed internet doors, I deserve a chance to defend myself. I have no doubt that Floyd and his minions have been systematically driving people away from me....some of them were family members. One example: A close relative and I had been regularly discussing her new job and her recent health issues earlier this year. I contacted her one of those days to find out how her scheduled tests had gone and to see if they had given her an exact diagnosis yet. She wouldn't reply. I tried a few more times to reach her, to no avail. She would not answer. Up to that point she had been eagerly telling me about that new job she loved so much, and had been quick to keep me updated about her medical situation. Then suddenly nothing. And no....I had said nothing negative or even remotely upsetting to her. Another family member verified that she was fine, so it's not like she had fallen off the earth or anything. He had no idea why she had cut off ties with me. Then, a week or so later, Floyd, while on one of his "This is war and you can't win!!" rants, blurted out that he had yet another of my family members on "his team" and that there was nothing I could do. "I have all the power!" he said. He said that often, but each time he felt more and more empowered, he would remind me of that and what he is "capable of".
Interfering with my livelihood:
Imagine that after more than two decades of working in the same profession and never having trouble finding or keeping employment, you suddenly can't get anyone to hire you. This would render you helpless. Regardless of my experience and strong work history, while in Washington this year, I could not get a job. I had been trying from January (when my WA nursing license was renewed) to August. Sometimes, after I had applied, I would continue to see the job ads for a certain place. Why didn't they give me a call? I more than met the qualifications. I have more experience than most. It didn't make sense. As a test, I finally applied at a place far far away. They called me immediately. It was a location that nobody would expect me to apply in. Am I paranoid? Maybe, but I don't believe so. I truly believe that Floyd or someone on his "team" has been (likely anonymously or posing as someone else) warning people not to hire me. Also, during one of his proud rants about how almighty powerful he was, he did give me hints that something had been done along this line. Also, from January to August, he repeatedly threatened to put me in the street if I didn't pay him half the rent. He wanted me broke and in the street so he could get custody of Ava. He knew I'd have to either be homeless in Washington or go back home to Pennsylvania. And he had his "power" in the order preventing Ava from leaving the state with me. With the help of the "X" County family court in WA, he kept Ava and me in an impossible situation. He did eventually put me (and Ava, though he didn't plan that part) in the street. In August he terminated his lease without telling me. I wrote more about that here: Why We Left.
"Conflicting out" local attorneys who specialize in international abduction and/or interstate child custody:
This tactic was unknown to me until I started hearing "We can't take your case. Conflict of interest." from lawyers. It's an increasingly common tactic among parents who "play dirty" in custody disputes. Google "conflicting out divorce lawyers" and you'll find plenty of information.
Emotional warfare:
I have been battling for one thing only. The protection and happiness of Ava. It hasn't been easy. Getting her back after the abduction was only the beginning of this hell. I have grown more and more distraught every month. I have anxiety that sometimes feels like it will stop my heart. Sometimes, in extremely stressful situations, I can't even inhale....like my throat is closing. Some days I feel like any minute I will just stop functioning altogether. This is what he hoped for! He wants me weak and powerless. If any person who is helping Floyd with his power-hungry feast upon my daughter is reading this, I want you to know that what you're doing is beyond cruel....because, in the end, it is Ava who will suffer most. She lives in constant fear of losing me. She lives in fear of even having visits with that man. She becomes physically ill when faced with having to see him. I wish like crazy it wasn't like this. I wish he could be a normal, loving parent. I tried giving him more credit than he deserved for many years. I tried believing that he would change as she got older. I never denied him access to her, even for very long visits--months long (though I was present, and he was completely fine with that). I never denied him phone calls. The one thing I did not do was stay with him all those years ago. To stay with a man who was smacking and back-handing my small child and had taken up daily screaming fits and constantly threatening us (and who had treated my son worse than dirt on a shoe) would have not only been neglectful of me, it would have made me an accomplice to his abuse. So, whatever you do, do not suggest to me that I shouldn't have left. Even since we ended up stuck back in Washington with him recently, after being gone for years, I patronized him, kissed his ass, urged him to get to the doctor when he didn't feel well, and tried doing things that would make him treat us better....like having friendly discussions with him about everyday things, baking muffins every morning to go with his coffee, making sure his laundry was perfectly folded, etc. I can't explain how sickening it felt to know I had to be so nice to a controlling man who had cruelly conspired behind my back to steal my child. Also, I have always encouraged Ava to give him attention and respect even though it sent confusing messages to her. She became old enough to question why she had to be nice to someone who treated her so badly, but I cannot honestly discuss it with her, lest I be accused of "parental alienation".....which is one of those legitimate concerns that gets abused by some bad parents and their attorneys. But do not accuse me of alienating her from her father.....not when I have been doing just the opposite. Now that she's almost nine years old, she has learned on her own to "kiss ass" for self-preservation. She has even explained this to me in her own words. She has even reminded me that I, myself, need to keep up a facade. "We need to keep kissing his butt for now, Mama." How sad that a girl of her age (or any female of any age) feels that they have to coddle an abusive man. For far too long, she has lived with his threats to get rid of me and move her overseas, but she is a fighter, and the thought of being separated from me is unbearable for her. We've never lived apart. And I do not want to think about the abuse she would suffer outside this country. Nestled safely in his own culture, Floyd would have nothing restraining his fury. It is precisely this that prevents me from waiving the white flag!
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