ANOTHER HOLIDAY WITHOUT A MALIGNANT NARCISSISTIC MOTHER
From Beyond the Cuckoo's Nest:
The holidays are approaching...yet again. I still have happy memories of childhood Christmases past. Occasionally my MNM would feign good behavior for the occasion, but her attempts at mood restraints were always visible. Still, being surrounded by loving relatives seemed to make up for it. Nowadays, she carries on the holiday traditions for my brother, the Golden Child, and his little ones. She also fawns over my eldest son and daughter in an attempt to further alienate them from me. My eldest daughter only recently got stuck in her grasp because my MNM realized she could use her for her latest plots against me. That's okay though--only because I have to let go of these horrors that I cannot seem to control.
I'm sure my MNM will be slobbering over everyone on Christmas Day, as she does frequently on Facebook, hoping it will hurt me, the black sheep. It is her goal in all she does lately. Again, I'm fine with that. I accept it.
I have been fortunate to find others like me who have been raised by cold, calculating, hateful mothers. It has helped me realize that I am not the freak I thought I was. You can't imagine how relieved I was to realize that I wasn't the only girl who had somehow "earned" hate and vengeance from her own mother, though I do feel terrible knowing that other children were--and are--going through such hell.
My own MNM was an only child who was deeply disturbed from the get-go. She had me as a teenager and never forgave me for ruining her chances at whatever life it is she dreams that she should have had. She reminded me of it regularly, and belittled everything about me. She gave me "the look of huge failure" if I even laughed too loudly. Long story short, she is a hot mess of steaming emotional shit.
When I, myself, became a teenager, her hate for me intensified. I wish she had carted me off to relatives like she had done with my brother and like she had done with me many times as a youngster. My parents divorced when I was 15, and I guess she wanted the child support she was receiving for me, so she "kept" me with her and lied about my little brother being there. Fortunately, she ended up being gone a lot, as she had enrolled in college classes in the city and started banging a young, smelly druggy.
She also tried intimately seducing one of my school mates into a sexual relationship with her. It was a female (underage), who ended up rejecting her. I remember my NMN screaming horrible insults at her, making fun of her physical traits. That was extremely embarrassing, as was her new routine of walking around our tiny town in short-shorts, ass visibly hanging from under them, after she quickly dropped some weight.
Thankfully, I haven't seen the witch for a few years and I'll be having a great drama-free Christmas with people who love me and don't use me as an outlet for their mental issues. I hope all others who are children of malignant narcissists will also find peace and joy this season and forever.
There is a future of happiness waiting. If you haven't already washed your hands of the tormentors in your life, do. It is the most important gift you can give to yourself.
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